You may wish for what you like.
It is not in the wanting that the problem lies. It is not even working constructively towards your aspirations to create the desired results (that’s a great thing to do!). The problem and the root of anger and hatred lie in the fear we breed, the feelings of insecurity and helplessness that breeds from the fear when things don’t go your way when something unexpected and hurtful happens.
Let’s face it, we can’t control everything that happens around us, seriously we can’t. But we can absolutely control how we respond to the things that happen around us, especially the things that affect us.
In other words, we can be responsible.
Simply put, we don’t control the future because we don’t see it clearly. But we can be prepared for anything that life throws at us. Almost every day at our workplace, businesses, classrooms, laboratories, and about anywhere we encounter situations which may cause us to get irritated or agitated, resulting in the outburst of anger. Well, I agree that in most of the situations when you tend to get angry, the fault is usually not yours but we are here to control and redirect the anger, so, let’s focus on that for the moment.
Sometimes we just fail to see the root of the situation that causes to get angry. That guy just cut me off in traffic, my business partner just embezzled a ton of money from our business into his offshore accounts and fled the country, my neighbor just got herself a Porsche, that lazy guy who is friends with the boss just got the bonus while we worked our asses off for the project. I know, I know, I know life can be very frustrating and unfair, especially when you are working hard to achieve your dreams or at least struggling to make ends meet. At such situations, we instinctively tend to get angry and unleash a fit of fury, and that’s completely natural, but only the wise with a high mental maturity, step back and reflect on the situations that caused them to lose their peaceful balance. So, why would the guy cut me off in traffic? Maybe he has a very important life-changing meeting to attend or maybe he just needs to get to the hospital where his wife has hit labor, we are never really in a position to judge.
Love is, the absence of judgment.
~The Dalai Lama
But I am not suggesting that you accept everything that comes your way and be all good and grateful, even if fate hands you the lemon for the umpteenth time. If you are ever accommodating and spineless at decision making, people will take advantage of you and take you for granted. Hey, survival of the fittest, right?
But then you’d say …
So, here you are asking me to reflect on the anger-creating situations and focus on the cause of my anger and be one with it, but you also are asking me to fight back and not be ever accepting of the unfairness thrown at you.
And I’d just give this piece of advice..
“Nurture the courage to change that which can be changed; have the grace to accept the things that can’t be altered; and pray for the Wisdom to know the difference.”
(I read it for over a thousand times in various books but I yet have to apply it to 100% of my problems. I struggle to apply this principle to only about half of my problems.)
So the next time before someone cuts you off, remember, you have the accelerator under your own foot. The next time your business partner embezzles money out, remember, you have all the resources to track him down and take him/her to court. Just use your brain and think. You’ll find a way. The next time the lazy guy gets a bonus, remember, you can be better friends with your boss. And don’t bother about your neighbor’s Porsche, trust me you might be better off without it.
But if someone in the family passes away, it is natural to feel sad, angry and hurt. Remember, there’s nothing much you can do to undo that which has come upon. So, take a deep breath, and accept it with grace, and you take the responsibility to take a matured stand that’ll help everyone feel better.
Controlling anger is the first step to the dissolution of hatred. This post might make it sound so easy and flowery, but I know, it’s not! When you are angry, you have a very small window of time to put up a response. And in that state of mind, more often than not, the poisonous lava of anger erupts instantaneously.
Okay, but I can tell you how to hold back your response to a nerve-wrecking situation.
Practice delaying your response.
It’s tough in the beginning but it only gets better with time.
It will install some new modules in your system that specializes in matured thinking.
Conquering yourself, conquering your unsteady emotions, conquering your anger – taking full control of your state of mind is the first step.